Connection Over Comfort

Alright gang, here we go again.

I've been thinking about the loneliness and connection epidemic, and as all the stats parade in my head, I wonder why something so human and so necessary seems to be so hard to come by these days. And then, the real issue just hit me. An issue I blame for most of the downfalls of modern society: Comfort.

Real connection isn’t comfortable. That’s exactly why people avoid it. People say they want connection, but what they actually prioritize is control, validation, and emotional safety. Real connection threatens all three.

Connection requires exposure. You have to reveal things that can be judged, rejected, misunderstood. That cuts straight into the brain’s threat system. From an evolutionary standpoint, rejection used to mean exile, and exile meant death. That wiring hasn’t gone anywhere. So even now, a slightly vulnerable conversation can trigger the same internal alarm as physical danger.

Tech is not our friend. Tech was supposed to make us more connected than ever, but it utterly failed us. It optimized for the wrong thing. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Tinder are built around low-risk interaction. You can present a cleaned-up version of yourself, get low-stakes feedback, and stay comfortable. No real exposure, no real stakes. That’s obviously not connection. And that's where we stay.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: connection feels like friction before it feels like relief.

You meet someone interesting. There’s tension. Uncertainty. You don’t know how you’re being perceived. You hold back. They hold back. Two nervous systems trying to protect themselves while pretending to be open. Most people never push past that layer. They retreat into something easier. Scrolling on their phones at worst and surface-level chit-chat at best.

What you end up with is a world where people are constantly adjacent to connection, but rarely inside it.

And the more you get used to low-stakes interaction, the less tolerance you build for the discomfort required for real connection. It’s like a muscle that never gets trained. Then when something real shows up, it feels overwhelming, even threatening.

So what do we do now?

What we've been doing since forever.

Just like our grandparents did it, they found connection as a byproduct of goal-driven activities. That’s why then and now, the best way to find connections is joining something. A church, a bowling league, a trendy running club, a bathhouse. All of those "clubs" have something in common. They have a goal other than the people who belong to them. So this allows people to distract their insecurities and focus their attention on a common, shared goal while slowly, subtly, they get to know the people next to them over time. I've written about this before.

The thing that's been bothering me for almost a decade is how us in the Experiential Marketing industry doesn’t leverage our expertise and create connection opportunities as a business model. Not only on behalf of our clients, but as proprietary events that serve and connect people and communities. We are the experts. We have the talent. We have the means. This would be great for people, great for a healthy and stable bottom line, and great advertising for the agency itself. Even better, it could be the perfect experimental playground where we test the coolest ideas that clients are too uncomfortable to bring to life. All those world-changing nuggets of divine inspiration that die in a round one deck. This is a win-win if I’ve ever seen one.

So why don’t experiential agencies do this as a common practice? Comfort. Doing what you’ve always done in a predictable way is very comfortable. But I’m calling it. In the next three years, we’ll see more agencies owning events, and eventually the rest will want a piece of it, but it won’t be cool anymore then. A big shoutout to agencies like MATTE Projects and Little Council who are already cool and brave enough to make their proprietary events happen.

Hope you guys pick up what I’m putting down, and if you need me, I’ll be starting a "walk aimlessly around NYC" club or something. Be there or be square.

Peace!